Earlier this year, while I was meeting with one of my prayer partners, my friend commented that I had a lot on my plate. I went home with that one comment constantly replaying in my mind.
Being busy isn't a bad thing. In fact, it's biblical. Titus 2:4-5 (NIV) says, "Then they (speaking of older women) can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." (emphasis mine) But being busy outside of the priorities that God has outlined for you is wrong. My friend's comment forced me to take inventory for my various responsibilities and appointments throughout a regular week.
At the time I homeschooled three of my children and one went to public school, I led worship two to three times a month at our church, I was the treasurer of our church, I led a women's Bible study group each week, made dinner for another small group each week that my husband led, and met with a few different ladies to mentor them or pray with them. I had to get all of that done plus clean house, make dinner, and spend time with my husband. I was exhausted, and my prayer partner was trying to kindly point out that I was a hot mess. God bless her. I'm so thankful for her honesty. Not many people are brave enough to confront their friends.
When we sat down at our regular coffee place a couple of weeks later I confessed to her that I had added up the time that I spent away from my children in one week. It totaled 20 hours! I was astounded and so was she. I chose to homeschool because I didn't want anyone else to raise my kids, and here I am leaving them for 20 hours a week and not totally available to them the rest of the time.
I had to make some changes in my life. I had let my priorities get out of order, and my family was coming in last. I took the next two weeks and prayed. I asked God to show me what I needed to cut out of my life and what I needed to keep.
After our women's study was over, I handed over the women's ministry. I asked some friends if I could meet with them every other week instead of every week. With others I only meet with them when I have the time. My daughter that was in public school last year will be homeschooled this year. My kids help with the chores more, and I protect my evenings and weekends with my family.
Among the many things that God has taught me during this experience is the necessity of saying no. I always feel guilty when I tell someone no. But what I've found is that if I don't say no to them, I'm saying no to my family. My family is my responsibility, and I pray that those I say no to will understand.
Also if you have a lot on your plate as I did, you may not be doing those things well. I don't want to do many things half way. I would rather do a few things well. And my highest priority has to be the four precious kiddos that God has given me responsibility to care for and my husband who works his behind off for us everyday. They deserve the best of me.
How do I align my priorities? For me it's God first, marriage second, kiddos third, ministry and friends comes fourth. This doesn't always line up with the time spent with each one. I spend far more time with kids than I do with God or Michael. However, I make sure that those first two relationships are fed and healthy. Sometimes the quality of the time spent is more important than the quantity.
To make sure that I keep my priorities right, my friend is keeping me accountable. She has permission to ask me hard questions and tell me when things are headed in the wrong direction in my life. If you don't have a prayer partner, you should get one. Michael and I pray for each other and pray together, but having someone outside of your family that you trust and meet with on a regular basis is a blessing. You will never regret it.
What has worked for you? How do you protect your time with your family?
No comments:
Post a Comment